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Saturday, February 06, 2010
I just dropped out of the dance item I'm in... I stood by the roadside for the longest time trying to decide.

It feels lousy to withdraw but I've started feeling this way for ages; I went one day for practice almost decided to drop out and then I found out another girl had just done that, so somehow I decided to keep trying.

Every week I dread the weekends because that's when dance is. Yesterday was the worst, I just somehow lost total and complete interest in the piece; I've never felt so "sian" going for practice before.

I feel like such a quitter but I try to reason with myself that even if I force myself to go, I can't ascertain that I can give the kind of commitment necessary for the next 5 weeks. And is there any point being in a dance piece you have to drag yourself to go for?

I've been in 2 SYFs before, both of which obviously required way more effort and time needed than this ever remotely would. I don't know why I didn't feel this bad then, and I wonder whether it's because then I didn't have the choice per se to quit (secondary school). So it feels as if now, once I have the ability to decide for myself, I choose the easy way out?

And then I think, maybe it's just time to let go. Depending on the genre I can be a not-bad dancer or a really crappy one (say, Hip Hop haha). I've been doing dance/rhythmic gym for so long, it seems weird to think I will stop doing it one day. Then I remember how some of my peers, especially the really good ones, have also stopped dancing when they could have continued.

So maybe if I feel like this now, it just means it's time to stop.

P.S. Sorry for the wordy post. If anyone read through all of it, thumbs up to you.
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